[madmatt2006]

A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: “My friend is dead! What can I do?”

The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: “Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead.” There is a silence, then a shot is heard.

The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says: “OK, now what?“

[madmatt2006]

Here's another one to try get this post rolling along

I’m riding the subway, and there’s a young guy sitting across from me with blue, red and yellow hair. I’m looking at him, and he says, "What? You’ve never done anything wild?" I tell him, "Twenty years ago, I had sex with a parrot. I thought you were my son.

Joke by Jerry Lewis.

[Uncle Fester]

Can't think of any right now, but give me a couple of days (be prepared-english sense of humour a bit different).
By the way, saw a cracking book the other day - 'Pets with Tourettes', had me giggling like a schoolgirl. A bit 'office' level but funny in small doses. I'll scan some and post it here, see if you all like them.

[madmatt2006]

My dad's British so I'm sure I'll understand

[Uncle Fester]

Here's some scans from that book; a bit stupid, but after a while the incongruity of it all makes you smile:Caution - a bit tasteless

[madmatt2006]

A joke for your eye's

Do you need glasses??

Look carefully at the picture
Below.



Did you see the BUM
Of the girl behind?




See below...






If you did, then have your
Eyes checked as that is the
shoulder of the girl using the camera...

[madmatt2006]

And another it's from another forum all credit to Arctos

A man comes home from work one day to find his dog with the neighbor’s pet rabbit in his mouth. The rabbit is dead. The guy panics.

Thinking his neighbor is going to hate him forever, he takes the dirty, chewed up rabbit into the house and gives it a bath, and blow dries its fur.

He then puts the rabbit back into the cage on the neighbor’s patio in hopes they will think it died of natural causes.

A few days later, the neighbor is outside. He asks the guy, “Did you hear that Fluffy died?”

The guy stiffens and says, “Um.. er.. no.. what happened?”

The neighbor replies, “We just found him dead in his cage one day.

But the weird thing is that the day after we buried him, we went outside and someone had dug him up, given him a bath and put him back into the cage. There are some really sick people out there!”